Chapter 40 – The Hardest Thing

The next few moments would be spent in silence as he came up with a calculated response. “Come on Em, that was years ago. I… I made it easier on you.” He said with a bit of remorse. “I only gave you the advantage you needed to finish out your task. Of all people you had to fall for that one.” With a bit of arrogance left in his voice he finally took up his offer for a drink. 

The two proceeded back into the kitchen to grab another glass and some liquor. There was an unspoken agreement to the terms of the arrangement.

“Now that we have that squared away, let’s discuss your first assignment.” Grinning before taking his first sip of liquid aid. “There is one Duncan Travers that you surely know of.” 

Emerson was taken back by the mention of his name. With every fiber of his body, he held back his emotions to not give away that this would be another unsavory assignment. “Yes, what of him? He works for Avery.”

They stood there, discussing what would come in the next few days. With a swift goodbye, the two parted ways. Agreements were made, though Emerson was not in a proper state to  comply. It was a whirlwind of feelings, leaving him with much conflict and regret. Though that night had escaped him for some time, since meeting Duncan, he was overwhelmed with his next assignment.  The memories, of the fateful night, started flooding back to him as he sank to the floor. 

That night, not particularly cold, the two had planned to escape the drama of the lifestyle they were tied to. But before any of that could happen, Emerson had asked Topher for assistance. To make sure he stayed on task. It was insurance just in case he couldn’t go through with it. 

A voice in his head said, “warn him, save him. You can’t save yourself but maybe you could do yourself a favor and save the man you love.” He was riddled with contradictions. On one hand, he had an employer asking something new from him. On the other, there was a shot at happiness that surely was fleeting away. 

He texted James, asking him to reconsider their plans for the night. He insisted. His lover would not take the bait. Instead the two met out for some libations and indulgence that left lasting remarks. 

Emerson and James met at an underground club, Good World, for drinks. The bar was quite packed with men of all shapes and sizes. Needless to say, it was a gay affair. The both of them reminisced on their first meeting before joining the sea of men dancing. 

He was still unprepared for the act. He tried to signal or hint to James. So perhaps he would notice that his life was on the line, but atlas James was clueless. He was filled with warmth and liquid courage, and feeling invincible. 

“You know my father wants me to vacate the city and his life, but I won’t give up. After all, I do have him to thank for bringing you into my life.” A smile peeked out from Jame’s elongated face. “Honestly if it wasn’t for you, I would have taken my father’s offer already.” He reached for Emerson’s hand.

Those words were only making the coming slaughter harder for Emerson. “Please, no more talk about your father. Let’s get another drink.” The two proceeded to the bar, where they ran into Topher. He had held up his end of the bargain, to make sure the deal was sealed. With a slight of hand, Topher slipped something into James’ vodka soda. 

As Emerson and James left for the dance floor, Topher’s voice started ringing through his ears. “This is what needed to happen. Just let him go.” 

Dancing out among the crowd, James’ state of mind started to deteriorate. Emerson had questioned what exactly was poured into that drink. The two danced a while longer before the effects started kicking in. 

“Hey babe, I am feeling a bit warm. Can we get some air?” He asked, wiping the sweat forming on his  forehead.

“Of course. Let’s get some air.” He smirked as he could sense the end was near.

They proceeded to the smoking area to find a small patch of untainted space. James propped his body against the wall as he started fanning himself. “I don’t know what was in that drink but I am feeling so much at once.” 

“Yeah? Hey James, I am sorry.” He said with a quiver in his voice.

“For what? You’ve given me a new perspective on life. I wouldn’t change anything.” Smiling, he began to stare in his lover’s eyes. “My father is a brutal man, who is out for himself.” 

Hearing that hurted Emerson even more. It was uncertain how much time was left before the shoe would drop. He wanted to make it count but didn’t know how. Perhaps this was his only shot at closure. “Hey, you know I love you and will always.” A tear started to form on the corner of his eye. 

“I know. I just don’t want the issues between my father and I to skew your view of me as a person.” James was in full swing of feeling something. “Whoa, I don’t know what’s happening.” 

It was now or never to tell him about everything. The lies about his business with Henry, the truth about how he didn’t want to let go. But at that moment all he could do was reassure James. “Hey babe, sit down. Breathe, it will be okay, it will pass quickly.” Perhaps it was the humane thing… To be there as the drugs kicked in. To just make him comfortable for a moment leading up to his final breath. He looked into those dreamy eyes for one last time. 

Moments later, James collapsed on the concrete floor. Holding the lifeless body, Emerson cried out for any help from someone in the general vicinity. It was to cover his own skin, but also an act of devotion. The deed done and nothing left to lose, he whispered his final remarks. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been your everything.”

And that was that. The task completed. It was perhaps the hardest thing he had to do. After all, the first cut is the deepest.