Chapter 35 – Ghosts of his past

Emerson looked around, he couldn’t recall how he’d got there, but he knew this place.  He’d been here before, he was certain.

“Hello Em,” the voice said. “It took you long enough.”

Emerson turned around.  He knew that voice, but he hadn’t heard it in a long time.  Sure enough there he stood in the flesh, polished and charming as the first day he’d met him.   He smiled back at the man and said “Hello James”.

James paused for a moment, allowing both to drink each other in.  Emerson felt nervous, this was the first time they met since their first date.  It had been a couple days, and he’d felt nervous he’d blown it.

He had guessed wrong.  James had called him a few days later asking for a second date.  So here they both stood, together again. “What was the inevitable cause of the delay this time?”  James inquired, the slightest sense of annoyance in the air.

Emerson rocked back confused.  That wasn’t the response he’d been expecting at all. “I, I was talking with your father about…”

James cut him off with a slice of his hand.  “Oh you were late because you were spending time with my father again? Were you talking about me again?!”

Emerson stepped forward, hands out-stretched to comfort him.  “James I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was a big deal, we talk all the time, he’s my boss and we have a new project starting up.  I thought you knew that?” Emerson was confused by the behavior of the other man, this was only their second date after all. 

“Right!  Old plan didn’t work-out, so you had to conceive of a new one together?” James interrogated Emerson.   

“What are you talking about? This is my first project, I’m leading with Henry. You know this.” Emerson reached out for his hand, at a complete loss as to what was happening.

“Get away from me!”  James yanked his hand back.  “Are you trying to kill me again?!

“James what are you talking about?! I wouldn’t hurt you. You know this!  You’re the one that asked for a second date?! What is happening?!”  Emerson pleaded with James.

James had turned to hurry away from Emerson, but upon hearing Emerson’s words he rounded back on the man.

“How dare you Em! How are you play dumb! All I ever tried to do was love you and you betrayed me! You took my father’s side and killed me!”  James was screaming at this point.

Tears welled in Emerson’s eye he knew what James had said was true.  He didn’t understand how, but he knew James was right.  He looked up at James as his tears fell.  “I’m sorry,” he said “I’m sorry James, I didn’t know what to think.  I know what I had seen and when I asked you about it you wouldn’t give me an honest answer. I asked so many times.”

“And so you think that justifies killing me!  I should have just answered your question and this would all just magically go away.” James continued to scream.

Emerson nodded, trying to formulate a response as his voice broke.  “All I wanted was to know the truth.  I just needed you to answer me.”

“Is that all it would take, to make this all go away?! Well if you want your answer come and get it. That’s all you have to do.”  James strutted to the middle of the road. When he got to the middle of the lane he turned and put on a cocky smile while he crossed his arms.  “Come and get your answer.”

Emerson watched on in horror, as James did this.  He saw James standing in the middle of the road and in the close distance a semi barreling full steam ahead.

“James!”  Emerson called “James what are you doing this is insane! We can talk about this over here. Why don’t you just come to me!” 

James looked at the on-coming semi and back at Emerson.  “Better hurry Em. It’s getting closer.”

Emerson’s horror grew, but the harder he struggled the harder it seemed to be able to move. 

“Better hurry” James taunted.

“Please James I’m sorry.  I didn’t know! I didn’t know! Please come back over here!”  Emerson pleaded frantically, as the impending collision grew closer. 

“Please Emerson save me!”  James’s screams turned to panic. “Please Em don’t let me die!!”

“James!!!”  Emerson screamed out with every fiber of his being unable to move as the semi finally closed in on the trap manned in the road.”NOOOOOOO!!!!”.

Suddenly Emerson started a wake, disoriented. He sat for a moment.  It had been a dream.  He rested his face in his hands trying to catch his breath.  He looked up orienting himself in the bedroom.

There were garments piled in a corner of the room.  They had been dancing, he remembered.  The evening was a whirl of music and limbs and then after they had come back to his place.  

He continued to survey the room as pieces came back. Moon light filtered through the sliding glass door that led to the small balcony. A print hung on the wall he’d bumped into and on the other side of him was Duncan. Yes, Duncan. He slumped back against his pillow. As a sense of relief and bittersweet pain washed over him.  It had been a dream he reminded himself.

He touched Duncan’s arm softly for a moment. Glad to feel the presence of the man’s flesh beneath his palm.  Duncan stirred slightly, but did not wake.  

Emerson smiled and got out of bed.  He found a robe and wrapped himself in its embrace.  Moving to the balcony he, quietly as he could, opened the balcony door and let himself out into the fresh cool air of the night.

Leaning against the balcony, he surveyed the cityscape around him, enjoying the sensation of the cool air against his flush skin.  The lights twinkled in the distance, a lone car could be heard in the distance, but otherwise the city sept. 

“It had just been a dream” he thought. “Just another dream” He sighed and hung his head.  Even after all these years, that night had haunted him.  He’d gone to see James to confront the man right after he’d spoken to Henry. Sometimes he had trouble remembering how that evening had spiraled into such darkness.  No matter the sequence it ended the same every time.  With James dead & Emerson feeling guilty for his death.  It hadn’t been his fault. He knew that logically, but he couldn’t help thinking if he’d approached it differently than James would still be alive and they could have figured it out together.   

“You doing ok out there” A sleepy voice called from behind him. Emerson turned around to find a stark naked Duncan staring sleepily at him. Rubbing one eye.      

“I…” He paused for a moment, hesitating to answer with the truth. “I just need some fresh air, had gotten a little warm.”

Duncan continued to rub his eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry.  Is it too warm in here? I can turn down the AC.” 

“Sure, I think that would help.” Emerson smiled back at the man.

“Ok,” a sleepy Duncan said.  “Comeback to bed,” was the last thing he said before he shuffled off to fulfill Emerson’s request.

Emerson stared after the man for a moment longer, before turning back to the serene and quiet view spread beflow him. He’d go back to bed, he thought, but he’d get no more sleep, the ghosts of his past had seen to that..